


Need to step forward

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Parting, if you want.. maybe, kinda sad, potential contiunation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 01:57:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4588683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a date, Levi have to leave..<br/>Sounds sad, but I'd be fluttered if you read it and tell me your opinions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Need to step forward

**Author's Note:**

> The song for this fic is Swedish House Mafia - Don't you worry child. which has nothing to do with the fic but gave the inspiration.

I lied my head down onto his shoulder, while watching the sky as it turned into purple by the sunset. For a child whom I was in soul at this summer of my seventeenth year, even if it was not the first, but I gave someone my heart at the first time. I thought this is a perfect day in my life. I thought that this will be a happy story. My happy story. That this is a story in which finally I will be the happy protagonist. That this is the last chapter in our book, and the second volume will be about our relationship. That after this year of uncertainty and puzzlement - even if nothing has been solved in our life - this will be our happy ending.

"From fall, I will be working abroad." He said quietly. Just like that, after we spent a day caressing each other, laughing on stupid jokes that only the two of us understood. I didn't even fully interpreted what he said when I asked back, ' _when_ ' my fingers slowly playing whit his right hand.

"I'm moving to Norway."

After reading so much love story, with pain and despair, full of hopelessness, I never denied that those were my favourite scenes where the protagonists had to say goodbye to each other. I always liked the intensity of those emotions. But never ever did I thought it will be so painful to hear them in real life.

Scientists say that there are no real feeling in the organ of our heart but now I can tell you surely that it's a lie. For the first time I felt as if my heart broke into tiny pieces. The shards sank into my lungs, dropped into my stomach, made it hard to breathe, and when I tried to take a deep breath it just hurt even more in every part of my body. As if somebody dropped my heart into a bucket full of ice-cold water. My heart which was warmed by the emotions and kindness that it received through the day.

The truth came simply, served in Levi's typical stoic way, which he never used when he was with me after our first encounter. I almost felt as my body froze down by his cold voice. My fingers curled into a fist out of my will, while I answered in an equally cold manner.

"Well... that really is far."

Every connection which we had between us, every emotion I held so dearly sank in me, down to my stomach and my lungs, making hard the breathing. I did not feel any choking press in my throat, there were no tears in my eyes waiting to fell down, I did not even tremble.

"When will you move?"

"In September. In October, I'll already work there. There or in Sweden. I still don't know where my actual work will be."

I sat up, wrapping my hands around my knees, drawing them closer to my chest. Slowly the sun set down and the first stars started to appear on the clear evening sky.

"So this is the last time we meet." It wasn't a question. More like a statement, and yet I waited for him to deny it. I wanted him to tell me, that it's not the end, even though I already knew it is. It hurt more to admit than I ever anticipated it will.

"Nah... I will come home to visit my family."

 _'But I'm not part of your family.'_ I thought, but pressed my lips into a tight line, making the words die in me.

"I see." I answered with strained voice.

"On the university you will meet people in your age. That you can call your friends. You will meet with a boy, who will make your heart throb. You just need to be open about them. This is all... This is all what you need."

I didn't even know first what I shall answer for this. There were so many things I wanted to tell him, but I just sat there, unable to form a word.

"But..." I choked on my words. "But he won't be you. He won't be like you." I glanced back at Levi. His eyes were closed, his eyebrows furrowed that I saw so many times. Every time someone irritated him with their rudeness or idiotism. When Levi could not understand that how could somebody be this stupid.

Never did I felt this ten years age difference so big than that time. When Levi lay there, ready for taking a step forward, getting farther and farther away from me while I couldn't even lift a finger to move.

"There will be a load of idiot who will run after you, just trust yourself."

"Who will run after me?" I asked back doubtfully.

"Yeah. Our personality didn't fit in the first place. This had to occur sooner or later between us. If it's just about the way it came on us, there's no need to be upset."

Yeah, I knew already. I knew that our personalities did not fit. I knew that aside the love I felt toward him, nothing connected us. And yet, I never thought that anything could tear us apart. Not now, not ever. Not on that perfect day. Because on that day I felt that we meant to be together. But it was just a stupid dream of mine. One which he did not hesitate to blow up.

Even though we spent the whole night together, not once did we huddle.

"Tell me, is it worth telling the truth even if it doesn't change anything?" I asked, staring up at the stars, the ones I wished from we could be together forever. I felt the awful feeling crawling up from my toes, betrayal, pain, sadness, empty anger.

"If it pains to say it out loud , it's better if you do not say it." I almost snort. Typical answer from Levi, do not consider anything, just say what makes you feel better.

"Hm..." Phantasmagorias came into my view. I never talked about them to anyone. They just came and went, every time I felt that I will break down in my soul, in my mind. At this point, I was really close to do so. But I shook my head and concentrated on Levi. Everything he said, what he could give me in these last minutes.

"Why, what kind of truth do you have in you head?" I didn't say anything. "Hey, Eren, look at me." He didn't ask for it, he just demanded and I found myself turning towards him like so many times before. "What is the truth you're talking about?"

 ** _'I love you.'_ ** This was the only truth I knew in that moment. But even if I said it out loud, there were no chance to change anything with it. I did not know that time, and still do not know, if it hurt if I were to tell him, but if you do not tell anything on your mind for a long time, because you know, the world doesn't care about it, you just give up on verbalize your _'truth'_.  In the end, the truth only something someone saw. This will be my own truth which I'll keep for myself. It's better if nobody get to know about it, even if it's only to protect myself.

"It was just a theoretical question." I shrugged casually and turned back to my phantasmagorias.

When the sun started to make appearance at the horizon, he walked me to the first train back to Shiganshina and as we wandered in the deserted streets, in the awkward silence, I couldn't wait to get there. Aside from some short sentences, small glances it felt as if we already parted and lived in different worlds. I felt more lonely than ever before. As we approached my train, Levi stopped and grabbed my wrist, startling me. I turned back, looking up at him with dead expression in my eyes. 

"I only move a month later. We could meet up once till that time." Was that hope I saw in his eyes? Or do I just imagining things in the end of our relationship? It must be it. I have to imagine it. Most likely he just tried to comfort me. This absolutely would be like Levi. The thought made a small smile appear on my face.

"Yeah, we could meet up." I answered and I saw him sigh in relief. He must've thought that I was angry at him. Of course he's relieved.

"Well, I think, I have to go now." He released my wrist a if it burnt him till now and stepped back. He awkwardly waved at me before turned around and with long steps left me on that empty train station, in the morning sun's light.

**Author's Note:**

> Well. this actually happened to me three days ago.


End file.
